why didn't i figure this out sooner?

you're guide to being normal

(which means successful, loved, wealthy, happy, wanted and therefore beautiful too)

1. Every morning upon waking and throughout the day as a little reminder, refresher, chant to yourself:

"me, me, me, all my eyes, and insides can see, if not then I'd have two pairs of eyes, so obviously, it's only me"

2.  caring.

Care, but don't really care, about anything, anyone, too deeply or completely
(simply saying you care will get you through life just fine and the less you care, to the point of not caring at all, the better)

3. words.

Understand words don't have any value, soul or meaning, they're just something to fill the air space around others and strictly said to get your own way. Never take anyone's words seriously, or to heart, and they won't either, and then everyone is happy and good!

4. others.

Understand you are only around other people, not with them, very important.
"with" can cause creepy feelings (we'll cover those things next) that can make you think other people matter, while "around" means it's just you in the shared space of another "you", and that's what's called the truth to live and succeed by.

5. feelings.

Get rid of those things by any means necessary, they are your enemy. They are creepy. They get in the way of the only purpose you have, yourself. They are also not real, because if they were they would never change and remain constant, verifiable, like the days of the week or the money you have in your bank accounts.

6. love.

Another unverifiable, and only to be said or used to get something, get somewhere higher up than you currently are. 
 If someone says "i love you" it means they want something from you, are just bored and speaking words (refer back to #3),    are one of those "doormat people" looking to be used and treated like shit (that goes for people who seem to have feelings (#5)
and put out energy (that next) and emotions that equate being loving, caring (#2) towards you). The only people like that are the homeless, the poor and the dead. That's why they are known as "hopeless romantics", after all, and "care givers"too, those people live impoverished.

7. energy.

All energy must be saved, stored, spent on you, yourself only. It's necessary to look like your spending it on others, but use sparingly, and always for personal gain, otherwise that's called "wasted" and that isn't good. Consider it a part of the "energy conservation movement" and "being green". Green equates money, so remember that, that's a good thing, and the ultimate goal of everything, besides yourself.

8. relationships.

Apply all the above rules simultaneously and understand the "ships" at the end mean they are always sinking so your next ship can come in! The one that will take you farther, get you more. Higher, higher, higher up the ladder, always the goal.

9. friends.

Apply all rules above and make sure your phone, your facebook, all social media and the air space around you has plenty of them. They are basically bodies that you spend time with, text, on your time schedule only, in case you ever need something from them or can use them to get further up that ladder of life. Don't ever answer the phone if these people call. that's weird and that implies they are trying to use or take something from you. No phone calls except from your parents, if still alive (think of the inheritance, think of the will), your stock broker, your bank, your doctor or your latest relationship (those people tend to make you, and since your fucking them for gain, money, gifts and maybe a place to live -nice neighborhood, home only- then you have to allow it, occasionally.)

10.  sex.

A means to an end. Money, gifts, marriage (if it gets you more, gets you a better standing in life), momentary pleasure of the body, "a way in" to someone who can make your life better, more successful. If anyone ever calls you a whore, don't get mad   (no feelings, #5) don't say anything, but know it just means your successful. If anyone ever mentions "love" or having feelings afterward, assess what you can get from them, and if nothing, run for your life and block their phone number, these people are not future friends to use to your advantage, they are weird, they are nothing.

11.  family.

A burden we all carry. Apply all above rules except #9 and #10 (there's no money or success in incest, that's sad, and you don't have feelings remember - #5) and remember, think of the will, think of the inheritance. See your brothers and sisters, if you have them, as competitors and do what you can to take them out, if possible. If not, position yourself as the executor of any possible future estate, because they get extra for taking on that role. Cousins, nephews, nieces, useless, but if you have any aunts or uncles, definitely do what you can to maintain light, yearly contact, they might include you in their estate for doing so.

Normal is "it". Normal is now. Normal is right. Normal is everywhere. Normal...it's just...the norm. Conform. You know you really want to...right? Normal will make sure you sleep free  and easy at night. Normal will guarantee your future is bright. Success and prosperity at any cost. Normal. Learn it, absorb it, record it...to memory.....Sleep tight.



bowen hart roselli
24 july 2020
ringwald love

too intense for my own good
i should, i should
be made of wood

i shouldn't, shouldn't
care so much
i should be carefree!
a.k.a, "out of touch"...

but wait, but wait
i already am,
land of "do not give a damn"

land of left and land of right
lies and frauds, no end in sight..

"ultra-liberal", "ultra-tight"
asses, offended by any insight
that doesn't fit the agenda,
"the fight", to indoctrinate
"an anti-hate" state
that's filled with hate,
and smiles so fake..

misinformation, so "informative", so?
they'll only be happy
when we're all on skid row
then we'll all, be all, "the same"
fall in line, holding out palms,
"oooh, can't wait, look, a dime!"

given 'cuz we're so perfect 'n good
land of "never think"
that questionings' good..
gotta be polished, "politically correct"
or else you're alive, and then that's
labeled "a birth defect"..

to be "poster child-like", oh no!
"look what happens, we told you so!"
but we'll pity you, a glorified victim
vilified, from behind,
whispers, "look, what the right did, took 'em"
down a path called "on your own"
as in, decide for yourself,
"less bitch, more moan"

I'd rather be that
than a regressive progressive bore
no wonder fellow fags
don't like me anymore...

oh, I'm sorry, it's fellow "homosexuals"
is that still ok to say?
or has that been banned
as "ineffectual"

i don't know
and i don't give..
a fuck, i just wanna be free
and live...

in a country, less "cunt",
more comfy
without "proper behavior police",
offended, coming..

after me,
for just trying to live, "do my thing"
without the constant
"auto-corrective" sting..

"can't say this, gotta over-label that"
yeah, everyone deserves their turn
at bat

but that doesn't mean
that we're all winners...

please let me go hang
with the bastards and sinners
cuz I'm not "right",
and "supposed to be far left"
but I'm not really either,
so fucking shoot me
in my "pussy ass" chest..

but wait, you can't
cuz they took all the guns
and replaced 'em with "warm hugs"
that's no fun...

cuz i want to live in a world
called reality
but that's not happening
so then this, my mentality...

very few care, if i live or i die
that's just truth, doesn't make me cry
doesn't make me feel
I'm so god damn entitled
to think all my "friends"
will show up and cheer, my recital

the one i never had, "just for show"
the pics, social media, they were fake
don't ya know?

so yes, I'm "too real"
for my own good
and many things, i "just couldn't",
but could

couldn't play this shit,
they way "they" wanted
by "the far left, far right"
I've been pulled apart,
and confronted..

i mean, holy fuck,
isn't anyone, even human anymore?
do i have to be "picture perfect"
to knock on your door?

if yes, then I'm sorry,
then let's just "call it good"
cuz i just can't be, what they
demand that i should

I'm a "left middle right?" leaning guy
who happens to like getting fucked
and falling for, other dudes, men, guys

and yes, I'm aware
that makes me, the most vilified
for "my kind" to despise

cuz god forbid
we were more than a label
that won't getcha a seat
at the "beyond woke bitches" table

but it will get me going
towards the real place, i belong
with the "other ones" also
"not quite right", but so right
since we're, to the bullshit,
"so wrong"



bowen hart roselli
21 july 2020
ringwald love 

 the dysfunction junction
a place where the mind
makes a lot of assumptions

things you see, sense,
no acknowledgment at all
like a “sweet sixteen"
waiting anxiously by the phone
hoping the classmate bad boy
down the block, will call

because he hinted, that he might
as he fondled a chest, not quite fully there,
throwing her, his best rebel stare
she didn't seem to mind, or care

but she did, she just didn't let on
the things teenagers do
while dreams and days, still lived long,
like the swoon, in a "be mine", love song

there are many bodies,
milling about
the dysfunction junction
is what the truth is all about

a "welcome friends",
sign hangs in the air, alongside
"learn to live numb, learn not to care"

the last thing you want here
is your eyes open, aware
that something, is terribly "off"
at this station
normalized, the "not quite right",
also known as,
people to people relations

notice i did not say "human"
that's rarer than, sandpaper on skin
is known to be subtle and soothing

human means one is able to relate
to another, with emotions
in a "beyond themselves" state
things like empathy,
consideration, compassion
things that make the ship in relations
real, lasting

be them friends, romantic
or respectful stranger
the dysfunction junction
is the destination, stop, danger

warning signs flash
as all are there, wearing see through masks
masks that reveal, all are out for "the kill"
whether we realize it or not
we are all sold and bought

to the "after" in the "thought",
the dysfunction junction
a place we try to pretend, we forgot
as we scratch and claw
for our place, alone, we are tethered
the dysfunction junction
is the "leave now", before the "or"
is followed by, "you will never"

hard to do, since we've all got it
like a lesson in school
nobody taught you, but taught it
somehow, it's just part of our make up
like the "built in" in "brick wall",
selfish designs,
lead to the predestined break up

of so many couples
really not, really, joined deep at all
it's he amongst her
and her clawing him
and sally doing susie
and johnny fucking jim

there is no "love" to "make"
within the dysfunction junction partake
its a swarm of bodies
playing their shit out, on each other
pretending it's "a connection", but not
that requires real work, real thought

the lengths we go
to believe and deceive
ourselves, our "friends"
our "loves", families...

and that's the most,
feared word, of all
family, "god help us"
like "the cult", kool-aid called

drunk down and swallowed
picket fence, "babies, babies"
and a dog, you forgot to check,
that frothing at the mouth,
"do you think that might be rabies?"

kids pumped out,
like mom's taking a shit
"it's what everyone does",
so we must, of course,
suck on the same tit

the one that's been, milked dry
and turned sour
the dysfunction junction
more packed by the hour

it's grueling work,
to walk life alone
no one, "on the daily"
to blame, betray, bitch and moan

but I've found,
while "just slightly", dysfunctional myself,
the deepest of souls,
on the "alone" path, as well

some are married,
some are not
most have families,
some kids, some not

but one thing separates
these souls, from the others
there is "something" inside
they aren't just people,
they are humans and lovers

of having a mind, a heart, soul, of their own
and while they may be with,
or surrounded by others
innately they are travelers, sensitive, alone

slightly dysfunctional too,
as no one alive here, is truly immune
but when arriving at the junction
they said, "fuck this, I'm through"..

acting this, and playing that
I'll do my own thing,
take my chances, "what's that?"

that's called an individual
with an electricity, presence of their own
they speak their own language,
see things for themselves,
truths, insights, unknown

by anyone else
until the gift, called,
found here, rare, them
and this then, the meaning
real togetherness, when...

you can recognize
a fellow singular being
and that's when love strikes you
as if the lights, suddenly turned on,
you are seeing...

yourself, in a mirror
that isn't just a one way, but two,
fucking miracle..

far away
from the dysfunction junction
things can actually be quite pure
sweet, truly endearing

and

beautiful.

it's not about using
and taking, for the take
it's not about abusing
harming, the delicate skin
covering the heart, psyche,
what's at stake

is the reality, truth
we all secretly want love, and to be known
but not by those trained, stationed,
the dysfunction junction,
they've been proven, to be shown

to be shit stirrers and users
and manipulators, many
at the dysfunction junction
the herd is flocking, not thinning..

so do what you can,
run, avoid that place
or else you will vanish,
your sense of self obliterated,
without a trace

it doesn't vibe "happy!",
and it's does jive, "good"
but the dysfunction junction
shows you the way..

that "shouldn't be",
becomes "yes it should"..
by all those buying and selling
it's lie

turn away, do the best you can
it's called, in the end,

the courage to try,
and not blame yourself,

lost forever...

in why.

(some of us here, this place,
never really our home,
but we got here somehow,
and with each other, we found,
not quite, exactly..completely...alone)



bowen hart roselli
23 july 2020
ringwald love