no consistency but chaos
like the dentist always changing
what is the best dental floss
or the rinse and spin cycle
before the brain, it is washed

one day it's this,
the next day it's that
always two steps away
from the rug being pulled,
out from under
watch the "wel" turn to "how", in the "come"
on the matt

as in asking, eternal
how and why?, burn infernal
there is no rhyme, if there is no reason
yes, the climate has changed
call it the "free for all" season

is he saying to you, the same things, "tricked",
everyone else?
the soul of words, sobbing,
as they are sent, straight to hell

one second, "enamored"
then in the split, found, forgotten
there is a tighter ass, a leaner frame
in things made of leather,
not 85 percent cotton

the ability to communicate
orgiastically, demmodulate
with the obliterate
of any truth, obligate

as if hundreds of thousands
have entered me, and came
shot their load, and then shit
talked it out of me, same

as in it's all too easy
to say anything and everything, you want
fantasize and proselytize
and then vanish
like a lewded and pillaged, store front

one whose windows
once glistened and gleamed
"walk through me, want me"
"i'm so pretty, so come in and see"

but now it's been robbed
of what once gave it promise

walk past, and ignore
for another, it's a long list.....

of shopping for bodies
and shipping out, fast
sifting through the wreckage
seems to be the only "relation ship", that lasts

trying to make sense of it all,
clear, an actualized vision, a path
pray that there is one
more "reap of reward",
less of wrath

the heart and value
of communication
raped and ruined,
upon, investigation

we are all doing, what we don't want done
to us, death of trust
and loyalty, like the sun

that we know will always
arise, in the morning
who believes anymore
in the eyes of just one, worth adoring

whole heart, whole mind
whole being, "star seeing"
them, aligned, like a gift
now misread texts, causing rifts

and ruptures, that make
it easy to turn, away, and even better, to fake
all the reasons inside
there is a "run", for the "hide"

behind walls fabricated
of glass and technology

actually feel and mean
what you say, you are damned
alone, a stranger of "the strange", an anomaly

in the smorgasbord
of real intimacy, whored
and pimped, for the "scrabbled"
and best received, in form, "babbled"

as in easy, in the "disposed of"
watch the angels cry, fallen, here
on the death and destruction of love

nothing left to do
but raise your head and look above
to the sky and wonder why
you aren't needed and you are never enough

to be soul seen and felt
and believed and recieved

as the one to give up for
the sword and shield of decieve

"you're so good, you're no good"
she said
you make it too easy for them
in your "give your all, believe"

and then spend your time wondering,
of your "give" where is the return, the recieve

it's not anywhere, bonded, in "lasting"
that i've found

and so emptied, of "illuminate"
here in past loves, lost, i've drowned

waiting to be wanted, reflected, here, found

again

this is written, in the longing of "him",
a secret wish, his heart
i am praying, my soul enslaving

i'll win.

(his "lasting", not leaving, bond, believing....achieving)



17 may 2019
ringwald love

selfish beings,
i never learned
as if the right to autonomy
i did not earn.

call it an absence,
a deficiency of confidence
and with it, my prosper,
i could not get on with it.

what is this bizarre
thing that we're doing
bodies parading, around each other
for "building assets" and the transaction of screwing

as if only connecting
when in the literal, "limbed"
and all else, an illusion
of the mind, "please suspend"

all disbelief
for the sweet in relief
of believing in "connect"
of being a witness, not a suspect

to the crime of taking
from another, for gain
building ones' portfolio on the profit of pain

the kind you cause another,
on the ladder
stomping and stepping on souls,
doesn't matter

all that does, is the means to the end
success of self is the "breathe for", we bend

and crawl and clamor
and "silver screen" and glamour
as in "eyes", on the prize
and then, nothing else matters

just pretense for propagate
the forgotten fool, is the one who waits

around
for some "one"
to notice and care
the value and victory
a heart stripped bare

believing in the spiritual
as the forefront of life
is to wake up one day, lost
like a 1950's husband-less wife

who believed her sole purpose
as to "stand by her man"
but he went, "the hooker instead"
took the ring from her hand

and pawned it, to pay
for something more dirty, depraved

and left her, in abandon
to regret, insecurity, enslaved

to think, she, a "could've been"
if only she was a "born to win"
the kind that attracts,
"soul said, man of her dreams"
think less, "jack the ripper"
and more, handsome heart, harry reems

as in, balance of energy
between light and dark
and a vision, more focused
less, "gone astray", on a lark

of love, to the winds
and the gods, did she throw
herself,
caution, to the wind
long term, little did she know

that a moment of fate
would stick, her forever
blinded, by the beautiful
damned, the choices she would make

partake.
in "the one thing",
and "problematic", then, another
this is no place for hesitate
upon the limbs of the "longed for" lover

it's follow forward, while you can
or watch as another takes the other's mastered hand
on the lark of love
there is a rule,

reprimand.

those who don't learn their lessons,
get the best of them
and those who don't grow,
have even less, then, to show...

when the lark of love
sings its song,
it's time to listen, feel, bestow,
"just know"...

(this is for the man, here,
now towering,
"came for" and calling
known, "chiseled, his chest",
C.E.O.)




16 may 2019
ringwald love

just when you think
you're understood,
you are not

just when you think
it came for free,
it was bought

just when you think,
of your "seek", you were sought
comes the painful reality
quite possible,
you registered slightly above an afterthought

just when you know
where you are going, you are lost

just when you know
soul security, it is tossed
just when you know
you know nothing at all
comes the altering awareness
of "the fury", in the fall

just when you see
the light of hope, for what it is
arrives the morning, you awaken
you did not get your wish

just when you see
what it's like to have worth
comes the moment, heart struck
you find yourself haunted and hurt

just when you see
all the success all around you
comes the reality of so much suffering
to diffuse, destroy, dumbfound you

just when you hear,
the words, drenched, in love
that you've dreamed of
comes the truth, inescapable,
they will never be enough

just when you hear
the gift, in silent calm, that you long
comes the hammer of chaos,
noise of "nothingness" talk

just when you hear
with your heart, not your ears
arrives the outpouring
of all your hidden wounds, demons, fears

just when you become
all too capable, casual
in your walking, wading in 'the numb"
comes another, to pierce you
make you feel something, skin "stung"

just when you belong
to a perception, you are confident
comes an opinion, opined
to tell you something's wrong with it

just when you believe
in the gift, more of give, less recieve
comes the "taken", used and stolen
parts of you, robbed, you will spend a lifetime, to retrieve

and

just when you happen,
to realize, all of these things
are part of a being, called human
(on the inside, no strings)
you will walk alone,
forever changed,

you are a stranger here,
in the wonder of when?
with nothing left to prove then...

in the shadow and shapeshift,
of
"him,"



5 may 2019
ringwald love