broke my heart
broke my trust
broke my mind, apart
broke my sense of something
beginning, a start

broke the words,
hate now, text
broke the feeling i had,
what may come next

never did i plan
to love you like i did
you didn't seem to mind it
until i vanished from "the moment"
you live.

you broke me, yes
but i guess i needed it, best
done by someone as blind, selfish
as you
no malice, your intent
just a lack of caring for anyone
but you
so i guess that's progress,
on my road, so much "bent"

out of shape, experiences, twisted
found a place in my heart,
purity found, not resisted

all those moments, i looked
felt you, "heaven on earth"
no regrets, i refuse to play the game
your "undeserving" mind games,
self worth

gifted chameleon
you broke me, your innocent eyes
and avoidance "in the moment"
i believed you, beyond
your many told lies,
told to yourself
and put upon others,
you can't help yourself
man of melt into the form of
who you're around,
you become the "everyone else"

now i see it, know it
and for myself, the truth
do i walk away broken
by the mirage of your beautiful

and own it.

bowen hart roselli
26 december 2020
ringwald love

 

broke me.

the hope,
the heart,
the "not again", end,
fall apart.

the forced "new start",
the "never saw it coming",
you, your lightning rod,
then watching you dart

away.
outta here, vanished
plenty, your promises
meant nothing,
mere words, wasted,
you, manic?

who knows, who cares
an expert, am i
at the "life isn't fair"
bullshit parade
of spectacle and silence
so what if my pleasure
is sex bordering on violence

separate
the love from the lust
the truth from the trust
the tender from the thrust
the " it matters" from "the must"

can you, or someone, please explain
the reason we put ourselves
through so much pain
the torment of trying, so hard, in vain
when it all seems to end,
in the same place, "love drained"

devoid of consistency,
anything, always
too many hearts, lost,
they linger in the hallways

the hotel of my heart,
get them out, get them gone
"thoughts", for each other
i thought they mattered,
i was wrong...

but you,
the one I'd fight forever
to keep
don't ask me why,
you, the come back,
in complete

doesn't make sense,
i guess that's the point
just call me the jukebox,
and we'll call you "the joint"

the one that houses the music,
the madness,
the one that encapsulates
emotions that encompass
all spectrum's, realms
from deep joy, despair, sadness

never planned, prepared,
it was you
but all i did, i felt it, the truth
and in return, you "black eyed"
and bruised
made everything all about
the gaping wound that is you

took reciprocation,
made it a deviation
took a real team,
and destroyed it,
you, "the runaway", relation

to anyone and anything
that sees right through, to your soul
"your sting"
a gifted chameleon,
underneath, fragile, weak
so of course, determined
to destroy what you seek

broken, again
and let me repeat
the holes, heart plenty
as i try to salvage, what soul left,
light leaks

so sick, tired, exhausted
by the genuine love,
like a passerby, accosted
"beat the shit out of"
for seeing, believing in "beautiful"

but fuck me, the one
like a servant, enslaved, ever dutiful

to "the cause", of care, concern
build a bonfire, watch it burn
watch it all become, all about you
disembowel the divine, in the connect
you did too

to me, formed a "we"
but i guess, "no big deal"
who knew, it so easy
to find, flower, conquer
another heart, someone true
someone real

i guess it's me,
who doesn't "the score"
once a whore, twice "a bore"
alive in things
like deep affection and "adore"

shit, that here,
doesn't matter much, anymore

broken here,
responsible,
scrape myself off the floor

and get back up, get back out
smile, all the bigger
learn "the jig", up, from the jigger

be like you,
selfish to the core
therefore successful in succumbing
to eviscerating, evaporating
all the hurt, hope, happenings,
hearts, came before

for the quest of "me",
now ready, and suppressed
for success

if i can manage to put myself
back together,
with you, somehow etched,
stuck inside me

but pretending it not,
"last chance" to get it right,
like everyone else

we'll see.


bowen hart roselli
29 december 2020
ringwald love 

never knew you
were supposed to
hide your heart
play a part
fake your art
steal your cart

put
me above you
lies before truth
words before soul
take before toll

as in, the toll it takes on you
living a life trying to give
equals screwed

by the majority,
fuck "moral"
like the choir in the choral
assembly assembled for the sake
of the gain
so sobs the angels, left like road kill
in pain

from simply trying to be
something more human
than what they see
all around us, the "vacant with glee"
just deny what is happening,
the destruction of intimacy, bleed

no time for a phone call,
no time for real care
no time for anything
that doesn't involve technology
and "media, social",
if not an easy ego boost illusion
then what does it mean,
when you don't exist then,
"who cares?"

that would be few
as in fewer, far between
good luck if you are on your own
none of that easy swallowed shit
like a partner or a family

all the things
that make the masses,
oh so happy, fists full of "sappy"
shovel it down,
as in shove it on through
"success!" is the "see me"
and mine, so posed and perfect
thus proved

"all is good and yes, i've made it!"
no one knows the secrets, outdated
things like "the struggle"
or the pain, underneath
make sure there are no stains
on those sheets

that you use to cover all your shit,
all your bull
brain cells, devoid
it's all "sound bites" in skulls

i never knew
it was all a game
and so me, yes "the loser"
i have no one but myself to blame

if everyone's doing it
i should've been screwing it
but my thing doesn't work that way
has nothing to do with prison cells
"straight or gay"

has more to do with
the invisible, inside
an identity, a soul
attached to a heart
i could not figure out how to hide

and so i sank
instead of swim
watched prospects of progress
through my hands, run thin...

cuz this world,
gotta be playing games, always
all the boys i like
prefer psycho bitches
parading down their hallways

so then me, "just too easy"
"too nice, too there",
gentle winds, blow my "breezy"
so i bent my backwards to "sleazy"
and found a devouring darkness
that would make many real queasy

so "fuck it", i tried
had to leave that behind
turns out, just never good enough
to be the one to light the heaven
inside another's loving, adoring eyes

"ok, I'll accept it",
cuz what else can you do
chalk up my life to a waste of dreams
and energy, misguided truth

amongst the madness, the sadness
of all the things
i thought, felt that mattered,

turns out i was wrong.

it was all the things
i never wanted to believe,
therefore never learned,
until too late, "the awake"
days of despair, lonely, long

now my undoing,
but "death by a thousand cuts"
at least, in the end

makes you strong.

and i know, when i walk alone
in silence, no more words
past all the lovers, entwined
arm in arm

in motion, my emotions
and thoughts, "somewhere else"

that somewhere, not here
is exactly the place
I've always known, i belong

(and as such, no surprise
my lack of success, just an utter
failure at love, plus everything here)



bowen hart roselli
26 december 2020
ringwald love