broken (successful in succumbing)

 

broke me.

the hope,
the heart,
the "not again", end,
fall apart.

the forced "new start",
the "never saw it coming",
you, your lightning rod,
then watching you dart

away.
outta here, vanished
plenty, your promises
meant nothing,
mere words, wasted,
you, manic?

who knows, who cares
an expert, am i
at the "life isn't fair"
bullshit parade
of spectacle and silence
so what if my pleasure
is sex bordering on violence

separate
the love from the lust
the truth from the trust
the tender from the thrust
the " it matters" from "the must"

can you, or someone, please explain
the reason we put ourselves
through so much pain
the torment of trying, so hard, in vain
when it all seems to end,
in the same place, "love drained"

devoid of consistency,
anything, always
too many hearts, lost,
they linger in the hallways

the hotel of my heart,
get them out, get them gone
"thoughts", for each other
i thought they mattered,
i was wrong...

but you,
the one I'd fight forever
to keep
don't ask me why,
you, the come back,
in complete

doesn't make sense,
i guess that's the point
just call me the jukebox,
and we'll call you "the joint"

the one that houses the music,
the madness,
the one that encapsulates
emotions that encompass
all spectrum's, realms
from deep joy, despair, sadness

never planned, prepared,
it was you
but all i did, i felt it, the truth
and in return, you "black eyed"
and bruised
made everything all about
the gaping wound that is you

took reciprocation,
made it a deviation
took a real team,
and destroyed it,
you, "the runaway", relation

to anyone and anything
that sees right through, to your soul
"your sting"
a gifted chameleon,
underneath, fragile, weak
so of course, determined
to destroy what you seek

broken, again
and let me repeat
the holes, heart plenty
as i try to salvage, what soul left,
light leaks

so sick, tired, exhausted
by the genuine love,
like a passerby, accosted
"beat the shit out of"
for seeing, believing in "beautiful"

but fuck me, the one
like a servant, enslaved, ever dutiful

to "the cause", of care, concern
build a bonfire, watch it burn
watch it all become, all about you
disembowel the divine, in the connect
you did too

to me, formed a "we"
but i guess, "no big deal"
who knew, it so easy
to find, flower, conquer
another heart, someone true
someone real

i guess it's me,
who doesn't "the score"
once a whore, twice "a bore"
alive in things
like deep affection and "adore"

shit, that here,
doesn't matter much, anymore

broken here,
responsible,
scrape myself off the floor

and get back up, get back out
smile, all the bigger
learn "the jig", up, from the jigger

be like you,
selfish to the core
therefore successful in succumbing
to eviscerating, evaporating
all the hurt, hope, happenings,
hearts, came before

for the quest of "me",
now ready, and suppressed
for success

if i can manage to put myself
back together,
with you, somehow etched,
stuck inside me

but pretending it not,
"last chance" to get it right,
like everyone else

we'll see.


bowen hart roselli
29 december 2020
ringwald love