this timeless attempt (here alone)

the weight of you
on me, is mine
the loss of you,
the passage of time

the two of us
in a room, trapped together
each with war wounds, lost dreams,
lived, before our endeavor

truth is only known, if revealed
scars are stars,
if released, salved, healed
all i am, is what i feel
and to those who inspire it,
the real magic, i kneel

but i, in the end, am alone inside me
long ago realizing, i will never be free
not while trapped,
this psyche, this skin
and so the long, slow march,
to my end, did begin...

twisted is, as "touched" becomes
the runner walks, the walker runs
towards a sun, a storm, an "other"
the comfort, chaos
of a brother, a lover

as that's what friends are, to me,
this bizarre
being, I'm aversive,
this "soul", "me"
so far...

away from "the normal",
I'm removed from myself
as if narrating a life
that doesn't belong to me,
but somebody else

yet there is no one here,
but me, this "my own"
and nowhere, "long haul"
have i found it, a home

I've tasted it, touched it
made love to, and fucked it
but when nightfall descends
there is no one else,
enamored of me, in equal, again...

friends are lovers
and lovers are gods
because i felt something so real,
so beautiful, heart fought

all the moments, head cocked the sky
detached, destroyed, as to "connect" is to fly
and like miracles, they appeared
beyond all the thinking, the questions
of "why"..

but none, could i claim
as my own, woman, man
like sex, but beyond
drenched in divine,
just simply being near them,
holding, split second, their hand...

is "together" just a teenage dream?
land of wounded, wanderlust extremes
is any "one" or feeling, thought, real?
built upon the alter of a heart
born to steal...

stolen, given, ripped out, compelled
regardless, this, "the fall", where i fell
upon the "knowing" i did feel alive
"love myself", while loving you so much
in your glance, your glow,
like the divine in "derive"

inspiration, insight, intelligence
immeasurable
amongst all the, "all the rest"
devoid of depths,
electric or pleasurable

i felt it, shared it, told it, the tale
the one, yes i loved you
and felt it without question or fail

then the return to earth,
from the skyward you inspired
those moments,
could i stay there forever?
if only this body, this being, rewired

to be the one
for yes, that day, did finally come
signed, sealed, delivered
a heroic "belong to you", done

you'd see me, as i saw you,
so powerful
right time, right place
the universe aligned in the allowable

girl or boy
or boy or girl
we wander here wanting what?
i cannot tell you, I'm not really here
in full, meant for this world

as what i see and what i feel
never quite matches up
to another's truth, what is real

so fire, walk with me
as i question
all the madness, magic
within, and without
split soul, second guessing..

why things come, seem to always go
the moments with you
i never wanted them to end
and would tear off each limb,
to live them, yes, once again

as if you didn't, already know
forever etched, here,
this heart,
blessed and bloodied
and, in fight, fearless, found
this timeless attempt here, to show..

you.

(alone)



bowen hart roselli
20 july 2020
ringwald love