The Walker (Towards the other side, silently)

 I've been walking alone,
on my own
with the presence of angels
cassette player speakers,
then headphones
since the beginning
walking forever in search
some safe place, a home

the songs, voices
as company
as the only ever-present
friends, faraway
I've ever and only always had,
could depend

human love
confusing.
unreliable.
undeniably hurtful.
wounding.
self-deluding
differences.

always wanting to make a difference
as a result of me
how i hate what i see

in/of the mirror
and surroundings, planet earth
packed with so many, too many
subtly, scathingly
selfishly awful, "but that's just normal"
society of people.

not the animals' fault
not nature's fault.
now...
i think, i feel
I'd really just like to walk
away and forward
to nowhere, not back

I'd like to walk to the end of the earth
never stop walking
lose all sense of my body, of time
of worry, who is the next to attack..

me, you, each other
our minds, our limbs, our belongings
our beings
the onslaught everywhere
everyone wants something
or even worse, nothing at all
you figure this out, when no one
but destiny calls

in the form of a blind man.
irony, he sees, intuits
more than most
yet he's blind to himself
sorrowfully lost
he, a reflection of me
rejects all the beautiful
within him, i see

his choice, his fight
his "one day here, then gone"
lived plight

"you cannot be, what you cannot see"
no wonder, i am no one
child of split straying spectrums
schizo illuminate displays of light

so i would like to walk, keep walking
no more giving, love expressing
talking, trying, chasing, wishing

just walk past, in, amongst
the trees
until i am drained, depleted
and drop
thoroughly emptied
of every last fear, hope, regret
remembrance
all the displacements, damaged
drownings within
that make the chaos, seek calm
all the torment in palm
of the hand, held, that's me

and i envision
lying lifeless
starved and storied
some little pocket of dirt, earth
somewhere
i am staring up
at the true gorgeous glory
a group of towering, tall
majestically magical, silent stand
trees

and here
there is nothing left to want
nothing left to try
to search for, long for
bleed for, pray for

i fall, i wait
for my last breath
last heartbeat,
a whimper, a jolt
a tear

i am no one, nothing
but humbled
as i leave here
(was i ever really here?)
and dissolve, disintegrate
back into the earth

i would like to be
one of those incredible trees
and watch over you
be finally, the perfect kiss
something magical
that "something" you
could touch, embrace
and need

no ego
no pain
no guilt, complex
no past remembrance, love slain

no failure
no fall
apart anymore

i have walked til i dropped
and do not care what you
or anyone thinks anymore

i arrived at the place
i was meant, all along

naked and nourished
by the natural
I'm at end

and i await, in the envelopment
of the earth, the universe
on the other side, silently

for my real life, to begin.......


bowen hart roselli
19 october 2020
ringwald love