Every lasting anything (grows)

mouths lie, actions lie
be careful, please, who makes you cry
are they worthy?
are they right?
as in, the real version of them,
they say they are
land of wounded, thoughtless scars

integrity is
as who stands before you, was
"i'm just saying this, and acting, because"
you are this,
so i'm that too
too many don't know the sky, from blue

searching for a kindred
someone to build, this
a life, look back,
"it all began with"....

first hello,
and heart, locked eyes
depth and silence
no games, no lies

but we all play games,
"can't help it", but true,
prisoners, insecurities
once one sees right through

to the pain, the strain,
the fully exposed, vulnerability
god knows, you don't know the secrets within me

take a chance,
"at least you tried",
be careful, the wish, the risk,
you've died

once again, and twice, once more
every day aging, fearing what's in store
old and alone
never finding what you seek
existing, not living
there passes by,
yet another truly beautiful, but broken, dream

embodied in body
be it man, be it woman
something so rare, there is nothing to prove, then

very few listen, love
focus, if at all, very long
on anyone but "their stuff", themselves
so grow, the weak, in shame, hide, the strong

how many deride all the shallow, "the social"
never stop, soak in soul,
attention diverted,
only truly comfortable,
"the vacuous vocal"

yet then run to it,
like, it's the only reality "that fits"
souls and minds parceled, projected in bits
and reject the love,
standing there, in the flesh
that which

causes "the run", to stop,
feel and see
some, out there, do, actually get you
want nothing, "no take"
just the give, touched, so moved

as in actions and words
speak the softest, when true
combined, "takes time"
it's a process, slow
like "the ache" in "the grow"

up,
we once, wanted so bad to "be big"
then we get there and go,
"wait, is this actually it?"

where's all the heaven?
where's all the heart?
guess what, it takes risk
but most ruin, and betray,
of the art

to stick around
and stay for "the long"
haul, it's hard, and it's work
right the wrongs

inflicted on me, i feel it,
too, inflicted on you
so then multiply that,
and get conflicted, times two

easier, succumb,
back to alone
hiding hearts, hiding, homes
glamorizing the search,
the stoic, "it's always ends up better, and easier, on my own"

self imposed purgatory partners
we pick at the scabs and destroy what we've grown

to need, to want
for the ease of "the front"
that "it's all good", and
"it didn't hurt much"

somehow my kiss
on your forehead
as you cried, left it's touch

on me, in a way
felt remarkably human
just the thought, i just may, could have helped, given soothing

but it came to be, "the bleed"
me, you did not want to see
the bloom forward, blossom
alter "the feel", re-alignment of "we"

got it.
felt it.
you are at a distance now,
sadness swells, your "leave"
amongst the ownership of my own problematic
misbegotten, mispercieve

i now sift through the wreckage,
what part you, what part me?

both of us searching, and running
from something
but found ourselves
standing still,
pure moments fulfilled,
more "the bond",  less "the wanting"

for that "illusion out there"
for the reality, found
connective, guard down, reflective, brief, understandings, aware

in friendship, in kinship
every lasting memory
it builds, it bonds, it starts, from there

every lasting "anything"
it requires a mutual risk,
for reward
it demands, both stand
make the effort, fight the war
in the end, about trust
find you, safe, in me, all the more

and me, in you, too
that is called "our thing" true
but if not, then, search  clues
something in your silence,
questions me, unknowingly
there may be nothing left to prosper, our "improve"

yet i'm still here
it was the truth, this "endeared"
and believe me, it's not easy
to care this much, without fear

that all the yesterday hauntings
of hurt and wound, and turn away, strike again
but the experience, it happened
now just a lasting, lingering question

was it, is this, real, in the end?

you can say it wasn't
but that "something"
haunts me, touched,
what was it?

as "was", can be "is"
if not so scared, let's begin...

(my friend, my foe, if you run, we'll never know)




bowen hart roselli
30 march 2020
ringwald love