A prisoner of me

some strange ability
to put you
before me
apparently this isn't any kind
of life you are supposed to lead

we become
the beasts we feed
break the soil, plant the seed
believing you, so important to me
i lived what i felt, overcome
and now i see the damage is me

not you, your fault
we are all bound and tied
to our destinies', called

or, can we change
our innate dna?
that thing deep inside us
that somehow lights the path
we have paved

motion and energy
function and synergy
so many strangely boring
devoid of anything like
the mesmerizing, mystery

that demands inner insight
most prefer just to fuck and fight
and it's only each projecting
what's behind our hello's
and "have a good night's"...

i've no idea
the prosper propulsion
but I've seen the look, eyes,
utter disgust and revulsion

so much so that i
can barely live with myself
"aah, it's no wonder, I'm not one
of great wealth"...

it takes a lot, of talent,
"win the game"
and too many "fall aparts"
have left be, in afterwards
never quite again, the same

so what I'm good at
unseen, unacknowledged
mostly, just a survival technique
unaware if i have any real power,
mystique...

that would be up to you
to so feel
me, I'm the one born to so
worship and kneel

at the alter of things,
"seem so easy"
for most, but guess not me
a train wreck is
as an afterthought sees...

but my god (guess i have one?)
the love i lived as my grand gift,
undone
just an emotionally intense,
by product, bent
in every way, shape, form
for you

because my heart,
fallen, for you

the one.

who was, yet, then wasn't
or were you?
just as lost here, far from it...

the place, the space
can we please be ourselves?

some of us, starting gate
"just not that simple",
so it's just a little setback,
called hell

but who am i
not to wish you well
so stuffed here inside
with all the secrets, laid upon me
can't tell..

or, yes i could
but do be barely loved
i then question my "should"

and so i walk, a prisoner of me
you, this life
sweet illusion
the lies, they are so much easier

to believe


bowen hart roselli
22 october 2020
ringwald love