just when you think
you're understood,
you are not

just when you think
it came for free,
it was bought

just when you think,
of your "seek", you were sought
comes the painful reality
quite possible,
you registered slightly above an afterthought

just when you know
where you are going, you are lost

just when you know
soul security, it is tossed
just when you know
you know nothing at all
comes the altering awareness
of "the fury", in the fall

just when you see
the light of hope, for what it is
arrives the morning, you awaken
you did not get your wish

just when you see
what it's like to have worth
comes the moment, heart struck
you find yourself haunted and hurt

just when you see
all the success all around you
comes the reality of so much suffering
to diffuse, destroy, dumbfound you

just when you hear,
the words, drenched, in love
that you've dreamed of
comes the truth, inescapable,
they will never be enough

just when you hear
the gift, in silent calm, that you long
comes the hammer of chaos,
noise of "nothingness" talk

just when you hear
with your heart, not your ears
arrives the outpouring
of all your hidden wounds, demons, fears

just when you become
all too capable, casual
in your walking, wading in 'the numb"
comes another, to pierce you
make you feel something, skin "stung"

just when you belong
to a perception, you are confident
comes an opinion, opined
to tell you something's wrong with it

just when you believe
in the gift, more of give, less recieve
comes the "taken", used and stolen
parts of you, robbed, you will spend a lifetime, to retrieve

and

just when you happen,
to realize, all of these things
are part of a being, called human
(on the inside, no strings)
you will walk alone,
forever changed,

you are a stranger here,
in the wonder of when?
with nothing left to prove then...

in the shadow and shapeshift,
of
"him,"



5 may 2019
ringwald love