real/unreal (all we were, once thought met feel)

ripped myself, deep and wide, apart
like a masterpiece, your work of art
did it because there is only one you
here, us, the film titled,
"seductively screwed"

because you either know
and love it, or you don't
double feels, double minds
your will's say you won't

but then they switch
and "fuck it", you'll lay claim
and stake it
the depth of my love
the kind deep, true,
yes, you'll take it

while too many play,
as in fake it, forsake it
I'm always there, all your "you"
yes, I'll take it

the good, the bad
the happy, the sad
the mixed up mangle maul
that is your head
all the endearingly sweet anything's
i remember every syllable
you've said

because it's you,
not like any, ever other
you're one part brother,
and one part lover

you're two parts angel
and two more devil
all your mixed message madness
destroyed the playing field
the rule book burned, leveled

at the sky, the stars
that you own
man of a lifetime, fascination
now my heart, head your home

free to partake and pillage, at will
some forces are the things of which
all the words and "wander aways"
cannot kill

don't know why it's you,
it just is
didn't see your face
when i made my last wish

didn't know you'd appear
and reign down like a storm
shatter every illusion, every concept
of norms

norms as in normal
you are not, in the least
now here i sit, as if trapped by a fate
that you sealed, done, complete

couldn't escape you
run away, if i tried
the most beautiful man
i never planned to lay down and die

for and with and bleed, such a need
to consume every bite of the soul
sustenance you feed
is this real or am i insane?
you'll forever plead the fifth
and devilishly smile as i crawl
search for the truth, all attempts,
found in vain

twisted me,
all the pleasure marked pain
the kind, me so honored
to take on all, as in any, your strain

the kind that only you can heal
cuz you're the only one
thoroughly i am soaked in, can feel

in a way that makes me, literally
crazy for you
crazy because you know crazy, cuckoo
well too

never felt so safe
and surrounded by understanding
but surprise!, came unmasked
the side of you, silent avoidant
reprimanding

keep me at bay, arms length,
your discretion
always leaving we filled
with unknowing, wonder, and questions

you said you knew and loved it
my obsession
didn't know that included
in exchange, my repression

ability to grow with you
in whatever form, "our thing"
like a bird with a song
trapped inside, unable to sing

this can be whatever you want
light and dark
just tell me which space
you want me occupied, parked

cuz yeah, you got me
no matter, "the what"
raw, real and remarkably
without hesitance or front

that's not something i feel
anyone but you
don't lie to me, tell me
you don't feel it, know it's true

can't separate the sky
from it's entwined color blue
just like you can't take away
the part of me that's devoted to you

mind, body, soul and hole
for you, I'd pay any price, any toll
already signed the papers,
dotted line, sold my soul
and i did it willingly, compellingly
happily, for you to own

not in "psycho bitch bad"
I'll admit, a bit fucked up,
our situation, us, a tad
but it is what it is
and I'm on board, just admit

that you like it, you feel it
somewhere inside
that "many mask" mind and heart

my love for you, made of stars
and pure truth, like fire, in forever

it's the shit.


bowen hart roselli
28 october 2020
ringwald love