i'm that guy, but not that girl

I'm that guy...
willing to walk through the fires of hell
to stand by you, loyal to your light
what is it they say,
"you may not get what you want,
but you might need what you find"..

I'm tired of apologizing that i am a boy..
or a guy as you'd call me..
"man, dude, friend"..
whatever makes you happy
brings you a little bit of joy

in the end they're just words
a language you speak
you never saw me coming, either
do you really know what it is you seek?

in a place where love is lost, like air
can't breathe, any of us
left with a soul,
amongst all the dead eyed blank stares

of those that surround,
little than less, as in zero, to offer,
place of profit, the god over all
hollow you out,
so you can partake in the prosper

none of this matters to me,
more than you
but "bent", as in lop sided
is our relation, shipped truth

I've done all i could
and then did a little bit more
cuz i feel inside, deep, you are worth it,
but tell me, am i really little more
than an "oh yeah, you"
convenience store?

to drop in, out
as you please,
swift and quick
an "affection atm"
that you get all for free
without even having
to whip out your dick

now that's a good deal,
damn sweet, it is
kinda like a dream come true
that you never even had to waste,
a wish

but here's the thing,
i am losing trust, you
there are plenty of ways
to get fucked, yes
that might even include a spread
for the screw

that shit comes cheap, and easy,
not you..
never have i seen you as anything
but remarkable, true

and that's what, yes,
i deserve back too
there is only one of us here
who has not given much,
still has a heaven of a lot
left to prove

of your word,
i am starting to question it's worth
as i walk amongst the trees
follow your footsteps, soiled earth..

trying to understand you
in a way most would not
because i see you
as one in a million

but based on recent history,
you seem to see me as someone
easily "back pocketed", and even easier
forgot

same old story, doesn't work,
not with you
trust is like truth, both begin t-r-u
so figure out if i matter,
somewhere inside,
I've sensed you feel the answer
yes, we both know,
i am, yes, in love with you
and, final time,

it's not my fault, I'm not a girl
but in some ways you still like it
and that doesn't seem
to really matter to you...

but then it does
and you distance me,
back burner

i may be a love fool,
but believe me,
i am quick studied learner

so figure it out,
what you want and can give
cuz even a fool can see
i am gold, as is my love for you
and so I'm calling bullshit
this is no way for the long haul
to continue to give my all
or to live


bowen hart roselli
12 july 2020
ringwald love