7th june 2019

     "you're so good, you're no good"
                  
                 -chinese proverb


there once lived a boy named donnie
and he was blessed with something called a heart.
It was as big as the sky, in his favorite color of blue,
but it was also cursed,
etched in the darkness of a pitch black night,
blinding him, branded,
"born to be screwed".

Literally and psychically, from both holes and hallways,
destined to be touched, by an untouchable "always"..
As in, if he loved you, in deep, he loved you complete,
soaked you in, like stars,
and paid the price in scars.
Scars of the wound of "caring too much"..
he watched as you walked away, with another, as such...

He awakened to find, time and again,
his heart was his captor,
and his ultimate sin.

"one is not supposed, to give others, such power, as to destroy and alter, ones perception of hours"
minutes and days,
watch him, as his soul, it strays,

trying to understand
why there is no one, lasting,
to hold his hand,
in a place called "the paradise of rape and lonely",
he was haunted by a feeling and a vision, "his only"...

as in "the one", he watched, all of his lovers, did find...
but for him, all he found were more "splits" in his mind...

a mind that could not handle the pain, of being himself, all the love, bled in vain...
for his goddesses and gods, haunting, forever, his thoughts,
and "the dark ones", the liars, and the takers, he bought..
as in their stories, of care, for him, in falsehood, stripped bare..

stripped him, skinless, naked, to nothing,
these dark ones, so drawn to, that he never saw coming...
in the end, the destruction of him,
a slave to the wants, of love and belonging, again..

as in "time and time", until he died, lost his mind.
just could not live with, again, the dangle of hope, "not this time"..
As in "almost did", but never did, come true.
.his dream of being loved, by a man of same, bruise, hued, filmic black and baby blue....
Aaaah, but the secret is, he really did find him,
but lost him, again, blame his heart, shame his kindness..

if only he could've gotten grasp, of this game.
Hide your soul, give your hole,
and realize everyone is hiding behind a defined personage and role.
That allows them the cover, to claim and covet, find their "sacred other"...
not an endless sea of changing sheets, faces, "lovers"...
with promises made, destined to turn away, fade..
from his life, but not his being, donnie died, from the truth, for the final time, seeing..
that his love, it devours, as his loved, gains in power..

and once filled up and "had" of him,
comes the "turn away", without remembrance,
when all he wanted, in the end, was this...

to be remembered. and found.
He could not be forgotten.
Just like he never forgot all those lovers who got him.
Captured his mind and melted his heart.
All the pretty boys and pretty girls, who shined before him, wondrous works of art...
so donnie has died, like that "candle, in wind", extinguished, his fire, gushing glow, found its end..

In the man who said his kryptonite was "passionate, intelligent men"
with a body, framed and built, just like the one donnie lived in..
but the man disappeared and the meaning, message, quite clear...
donnie, "such a sweet boy", damned by this exact, so endeared...
as to cause his dream, man of reality, to abandon,
all the words spoken, all the wants of him, happened...

So just let him go, as he's been let go, once too often...
let him return to a heaven, where his torment is softened.
and soothed by the "save, and salve", other side...
in the arms of a man, "angel-ed", in him,
found his home, with nothing left to hurt, or hide.




8 june 2019
ringwald love